I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
PANTIES FOUND
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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