DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize