Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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