Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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