Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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