so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
