I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
