hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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