I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize