I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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