When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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