we made out on top of his cat.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
