I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
