your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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