My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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