I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
