drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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