Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
