Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
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