if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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