I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
