i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
