Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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