even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
