booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize