i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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