i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
