I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
