how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
