I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She needs sedatives and a leash
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
