capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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