She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize