a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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