So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
