hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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