I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the day after is always just damage control
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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