Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
