I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
