I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
