i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
