All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
