In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he thought i was a dude.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
