So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
