take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
