I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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