I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
