After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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