Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
