I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
