Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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