You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
