Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
