Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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