someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
