i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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