Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
