Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
