Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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