I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
