Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
