thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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