Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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