Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize