sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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