I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
