I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
