i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
