I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
