My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
